It’s all understandable. (for every no one who ever was)

To be honest

and be open

put yourself in

her hands like you’re a toy.

There’s a reason

for each season

pollen eaten

her wind cradles a boy.

They know nothing of us,

and we

know nothing of them.

We all

just sort of pretend.

We’re bitter still.

In the air there’s a bitter chill.

Like a car crash

I tell you that

it’s not too bad

we both just try not to stare.

In the glove box

there’s a snuff box

full of coupons

I keep in case that you cared.

The leaves on the ground,

remind me

how powerless that I am.

It’s natural to fall down,

we all

just sort of try to fit in.

Leave me alone, no don’t

leave me alone.

Memories fill my head

like waves

crashing down on the shore.

Just as soon as they hit

cast away

back to the ocean once more.

To be bitter

or be broken

understand that

this is for no one who ever was.

your ghost I implore.

I don’t want any trouble

still you give me double

alone in this bubble

which I can’t ignore.

The trail is subtle

some bread crumbs and rubble

your sinister cuddle

remembering more.

Traumatically speaking

I guess that we’re even

transfixed in this feeling

of which I abhor.

But I found this Agate

it’s my force of habit

to deal all this crap with

your ghost I implore.

Relieve me this burden

there I’ll know for certain

whose shadow is flirting

from under the door.

For years I’ve been knocking

from inside this coffin

perhaps I’ll find out when

I dwell nevermore.

Though we both know

we’re bound evermore.

footnotes in nursery rhyme

Got up this morning ahead of my time

shook fear from my hair and tears from my eyes

took to the mirror and spoke to this guy

who said he knew me from before —

it’s there that he unlocked the door.

He gave me a sunrise he gave me his hand

he told me a secret I could understand

life isn’t a journey or destination

it’s your choice to choose to buy in —

for me it’s better not to win.

So I sharpened my memory and tore out his tongue

recycled the organ from which I’d dislodged

filled it with the secret and sealed it shut

if X marks the spot then I’m fine —

love’s just footnotes in nursery rhyme.

Connecting the dots which soon filled my head

aligned with ideas I spoke with each step

life ain’t no cake walk or deal with respect

it’s your throat or mine well of course —

I’d take mine to spare you the course.

It’s kill or be killed so I’m on my knees

no fear any longer just tranquility

it’s obvious ain’t it half hearted pity

runs deep like the roots of despair —

no one’s got the cure or should dare.

So with that in mind one swift hit should do

a hole in the head hell it ain’t nothing new

I was head over heals now I’m sinking through

the clouds which look soft from afar —

at the end of this there’s only dark.

With all things considered it’s lovely I guess

like spilled paint confetti this hole in my chest

I’ve dug it before since third grade I guess

my actions speak louder than words —

it’s all been a blessing and curse.

Look at me lovely

Look at me lovely this here is I guess

a mixture of meanings which help to make sense

of the past which gave us nothing but suspense

with fearful longing and a mother’s defense.

Look at me lovely with eyes in full bloom

now imagine a child alone in his room

the covers are pulled tight warm as a womb

his head full of static his heart thumping doom.

Look at me lovely take into account

these present day feelings are years gone without

comfort or closure confused full of doubt

exchanged for composure now deep underground.

Look at me lovely two decades gone by

and please ask yourself to whom do you cry

an eye for an eye I used to imply

now I want nothing more than to sleep through night.

Look at me lovely with infinite jest

this smile is armor for that I confess

in daydreams I make up reasons quite complex

for nightmares which haunted that boy in his bed.

Look at me lovely it’s lovely in fact

walking down sidewalks avoiding the cracks

though sometimes it feels like breaking your back

the pain that defines us with love cannot last.

Look at me lovely with harlequin eyes

for we are not wells that dry up inside

and take with you this last line then decide

his failure’s your lesson, her nurture’s your pride.

love is not a simple thing.

I’ve often tried

to be the guy

who stands neutral

on battle lines

like half a couple

dozen times

I’ve turncoat

on the Queen.

There’s nothing new

to tell in fact

I’ve wasted more

than my last breath

which left me quite

a while back

when I first

took my leave.

So if it’s time

to settle down

regardless of

this downturned frown

I’d rather this

than both us now

set sail

for the sea.

I gave her all

that I could give

she gave me strength

in which to live

we learned to love

the simple things

neither one

could speak.

And so the line’s

erased in sand

I held close to

her open hand

our hearts displayed

like contraband

no one but us

could see.

So with this one

last battle cry

collecting tears

from both our eyes

as King and Queen

we’re sure to die

what’s meant to be

will be.

For love is not

a simple thing

like confidence

or apathy

drawn to this loss

love often leads

in the end

we’ll find peace.

Pull another Death card

I have no business

I’ve made that quite clear

But I’m still wondering

What lies beyond here

This bottle I’ve found

Is filled to the brim

With messages signed

In blood red penmanship.

The city wakes up

I open my eyes

These walls are filled with

Unsealed goodbyes

This letter I’ve got

Return to sender

I’ve not the courage

Or will to send her.

It’s 3 o’clock in

The fucking morning

These panic headaches

Come without warning

Now I just want sleep

No sleeping beauty

So when I lie down

Please keep my casket closed.

No kiss

Is worth

A thousand words

I know

So spare me the ritual.

This blind ambition

That I know so well

It’s superstition

Like Heaven and Hell

Now where’s that locket

The one I gave her

It felt so pure then

Like the last savior.

No one is perfect

I’ve made that quite clear

Still all this nonsense

Makes sense in the mirror

And when I throw up

It’s all of my fears

God had to go up

For us to burn down here.

So take this end and

Tie it to that beam

I weigh less than him

So it should hold me

And when I wake up

This’ll all be over

Pull another Death card

Rebirth and closure.

Nobody

Gets out

Of this place

Alive

Just promise me you’ll try.